You don't buy me flowers...

I'm learning that what I can do as an HR Manager is quite limited. In my case, I'm actually not limited by my management team or company bureaucracy. I'm limited by what I have come to term as the "you don't buy me flowers" syndrome.

This is how the skit plays out.
2 actors... a husband and a wife
Scene 1:
Wife: You never buy me flowers
Husband: (huh.)

Scene 2:
The next day, the husband buys the wife flowers. He thinks his wife will be pleased.
Wife: You only buy me flowers when I tell you to.
Husband: Huh?
Wife: Why don't you do anything nice without me having to tell you?

Scene 3:
The next day, the husband cooks dinner for his wife. He thinks his wife will be pleased.
Wife: You only cooked for me because yesterday I told you that you don't do anything nice without me having to tell you...

Scene 4:
repeat Scenes 1-3.

Sometimes all you can do is try your best. Any good situation can appear bad when attacked by a negative frame of mind and, as a manager, sometimes you just can't do anything about that. Recognize it, revisit your vision, set it and move on.

An HR Manager's job isn't to make an employee happy. Only an employee can control that. An HR Manager can build a comfortable and supportive work environment where the employee feels 'safe'. This includes being transparent on the issues - both good and bad - and being genuine so employees know your veracity. Listen when people have problems, but don't go seeking problems - especially from the wrong people. Don't let them hold you back.

For those few employees who keep asking for flowers, if it's a strong problem, let them go. Remember that for every one of them, there are probably 10 positive people who want to focus on moving forward. As the HR Manager, you need to tend to those guys as well. Supporting them will also help them support others.

This isn't to say point-blank 'ignore criticism'. Remember, he did buy her flowers....